Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Premarital Counseling
Is premarital counseling necessary? In general I believe engaged couples are so naive and honeymoonish this is basically a waste of time. Okay, that is probably not accurate but before you throw me in the river let me give you an alternative. Mennonites tend to meet with the excited couple and discuss a book or some other source of information, which is good. However, once this is completed they are ready for marriage. After the wedding the couple will be trying to live together and this when the problems begin in earnest. Here are a few of the issues I have heard about in the last 2-3 years. Things that were actually fought over. How high should the clock be mounted on the wall? Why does she make so much noise when she is sweeping her fangs? Why does she always burn the eggs? Why does he always track mud in the house? This is only the beginging. How will they deal with these simple yet huge problems? These are the problems which tend to get bigger as time goes on. In the middle of this we have Jr. entering the equation. Oh boy, then things really get interesting. Where are the helpful counselors after the fact. Do we in general assume the couple will be okay? I believe there should be a year, minimum, of postmarital counseling. What was your experience, if your married. If you are unmarried and not attached what do you think would be helpful? We attended a marriage seminar before marriage but had no counseling per say but we did have some counseling after marriage. So, was your premarital counseling helpful?
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6 comments:
We had premarital counseling with Nathan Good, using a book written by John Coblentz, that had practical applications and thought-provoking questions to make you analyze certain situations ahead of time, to see what your response would be now.
I know I now, only 3 months into our marriage, still think of different things we talked about and it can help affect my decision or attitude toward Vernon.
So all that said, I think our counseling helped, but I also see your point in post-ceremony counseling.
~Lez
I have heard about John's book and have heard that it is an excellent book. I should have been more clear in saying we (Mennonites) tend to counsel before marriage and after that your on your own....
After 5 years of marriage, (where did it go so fast!!) I have come to the same conclusion, Give the new couple a "heads up" about the bumps in the road and wait for the counseling till after the honeymoon. They'll both be able to focus more on other things and will already be facing some of the situations. Thus they will be able to practice what they hear right away.
The downside to this is that it might become easy to dump your problems into someone elses lap and let them tell you what to do rather than taking the time and humility to work it out. Not saying that it would be this way but it may be a temptaion.
We were given a book called "Men are clams, Women are Crowbars) My wife and I read the first chapter and compared notes with each other and then switched the roles we were reading. I was the crowbar and she was the clam.
Oh well, people always knew we were weird! (just wait till you hear our love story :-)
I can't wait to hear your love story.....
Way to long for here, maybe I'll post it sometime. When I have a couple hours for typing! :-)
do it in instalments on your site....
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