Soul Searching

I didn't pay attention to when I last posted something.  It is has been far to long.  Well for some of you maybe it hasn't been long enough.  I have been searching my soul lately.  I have found this tends to be a good practice if it is done honestly.  For those of you know what council meeting is I have come to the conclusion that searching ones soul should probably happen more than twice a year. 
What I have discovered is the depth of my searching is directly related to how stressful my life is.  Is this a true statement: The easier your life is the less you search your soul.  For me this is true.  I tend to go about my life, trying desperately to hold all the loose ends together.  Suddenly I find myself waking up  at two in the morning, when I am not milking, and lying in bed pondering life.  Asking myself questions.  At this point in the process these questions are not soul searching questions as much as they are how can I fix the problem myself questions.  This tends to go on for days, weeks, years....   Ok I think that is an exaggeration but definitely days.  Last fall I was really struggling financially, still am to be frank.  I spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out how I was going to pay the bills.  I am sure you want to know the answer to this question.  I would like to know it as well.  There was no way we could pay the bills.  So I began a dialogue with the bank.  In the middle of this whole process I became more and more confused, depressed, moody and unhappy.  What a miserable way to live.  One morning I read I Cor. 14;33.  The verse speaks about God being the author of peace not confusion.  The only way to describe the feeling that came over me is to suggest that it was like the sun coming up.  The dawn of a beautiful day.  A morning with grass dripping with dew and the first rays of the sun are fiery orange with pink, lavender, and red mixed in.   Isn't it an incredible blessing to know that God doesn't want us to live in confusion?  That he wants us to trust Him and allow him to work. To bad this isn't easy but if it was easy we wouldn't need Him. This, my friend, is how I search my soul.  How do you do it?